My Connections to Play

"The true object of all human life is play."

-G.K. Chesterton

"Play is the only way the highest intelligence of humankind can unfold."

-Joseph Chiton Pearce

"A child loves his play, not because it's easy, but because it's hard."

-Benjamin Spock

"The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellectual but by the play instinct."

-Carl Jung

"The opposite of play is not work. It's depression."

-Brian Sutton-Smith, MD

"Play allows us to develop alternatives to violence and despair; it helps us learn perseverance and gain optimism."

-Brian Sutton-Smith, MD

My Favorite Play Tools from Childhood:

I grew up in an olive orchard. The trees were amongst my best friends as they transformed into bridges to new worlds, safe haven, fairy houses, octopus-monsters, fantastic places to hide treasures, or the only one who understood my deepest sadnesses. I swear those trees understood me, healed me when I was sad, and made me feel much less alone in the world. I still miss them.

When I was a child I was always barefoot. I lived on 200 acres of farmland and I roamed it barefoot and free. The textures that I felt- a hot dust in the fields, sharp rocks in the driveway, the particular prickle of bark, the cold wet relief of the reservoir or creek, the super squish of mud on a hillside all transported me to new worlds!

We had a creek that ran through our property, under the driveway, and to the reservoir. Sometimes it was dry and other times it was a terrifying, rush of speedy water certain to take you down and threaten your life. My sister and I played for hours and hours in there. It became a bomb shelter, the only escape from danger, our home, a rabbit burrow, you name it. I look back on how high and fast that water was moving and can't believe that I was allowed to play there. Playing in places like this, however, helped me to understand how to negotiate risk, face my fears, and build my confidence.

Support For Play in My Childhood

As I mentioned before, I grew up on hundreds of acres of farmland. My parents divorced early on and both lived on large amounts of land. My older sister and I were allowed to roam free through all of that land from an early age. I recently asked my mother if she worried about us back then when she didn't know where we were for some many hours of the day. She simply replied, "No. It was a different time." It was indeed. We lived in the middle of no where, so there would be no fear today of stranger dangers like there would be in an urban or suburban place, but today I still believe that most parents would worry about their children being out and about alone for that long. There were rattle snakes, rushing creeks, and plenty of trees to fall out of. There were tractors with sharp blades, a grumpy bull, and hornets nests. We learned to negotiate these risks each day and we both survived. I believe the greatest support of my play, besides that that I received from my constant play companion (my sister), was that my parents gave me this freedom. They trusted my capabilities and let us follow our fun. For that, I am eternally grateful.

I was also a very silly child. I liked to do shows, make up nonsensical songs and languages, and where ridiculous costumes and clothes. I was always encouraged to do this and was given a lot of positive feedback for my dinner time antics. I wasn't forced to sit quietly at the dinner table or even keep my feet off the table. Our evenings were always spent in an environment of fun. I try very hard to replicate this in my house now that I am a mother.

Those dinner time antics have had a huge affect on my adult life, as well. I spend my twenties in the circus, where I was paid to play and be laughed at, just like I was at the dinner table, all day long. I was a clown (think Lucille Ball, not Bozo) and an aerialist. I was afraid of heights just as I was afraid of the rushing water in the culvert, but I climbed high and flew on a trapeze or bounced on bungies every day. The joy of that kind of play and the lessons that it has taught me about what life is really about, what happiness is and isn't, and how to use play to inspire creativity and knock down walls in your life, have been invaluable to me. When I injured my shoulder and could no longer do professional trapeze work, my focus shifted to working in birth, with babies, parents, and children, and I found that a well-developed sense of play, and the vulnerability that comes with that, were my greatest tools. They allow me to connect with people- not just children, who are afraid, traumatized, embarrassed, or exhausted. My ability to laugh at myself disarms people and helps them to laugh at themselves to. All of the most wonderful, exciting, and inspiring achievements of my life have been born of the creativity that is born of play.

Perhaps the most rewarding aspect of my fairly well-developed relationship to play, is that of how play bonds my daughters and I... even my whole family. We are currently in Washington State for my grandmother's funeral and after a day of going through her things and feeling fairly heavy, we retired to our rooms and had a knock down, drag out wrestling, pillow fighting, hug-monstering, laughing, running, chasing, falling, rough housing session with both my daughters, my wife, my mom, my dad, our off duty babysitter and friend, and me! Play is the tool that helps reconnect me to my kids when they are disconnecting and becoming withdrawn. It is the tool that helps me create, the tool that brings me happiness, the tool that reminds my wife why she fell in love with me. Play is not only enlivening, strengthening, and bonding, it is also healing. I agree with G.K. Chesterton, play is the true object of life!