Favorite Quotes about Early Childhood & Special Thanks

Encouraging the expression of feelings is healthy. It helps eliminate guilt and promotes honesty. If, by contrast, your child is told, "Don't say that. That's not nice," he won't feel comfortable about expressing himself. Rather, he may feel guilty about his feelings because his parent thinks they're "not nice." Don't manipulate your child's feelings by saying, "Why are you so grumpy? Smile for Mommy." Give him permission to feel the way he does. People go to therapy because they were not allowed to express what they felt as children. Somebody in their past said, "That's not all right." ~ Magda Gerber

I love this quote. It brings together so many principles that I hold dear as a parent, a parenting educator, a postpartum doula, a sleep consultant, and a person. Subtle and not-so-subtle messages of shame are handed to our children every day as parents, caregivers, and teachers try to teach them to stuff their feelings down and act "appropriately." So few of us had parents with the information or tools to allow us to express our feelings as children. As a result, when our children show big emotions, we become uncomfortable and try to shut them down. Then we wonder why our children don't confide in us with their deep secrets and fears when they enter the vulnerable phase of adolescence. It may be hard at first, but when I child gets upset, all we need to do is listen. In my experience, listening allows children to work out deep feelings of fear and anxiety and emerge restored, loving, and connected. This approach allows children to heal themselves, feel powerful and optimistic, build resilience, and build trust in their relationship with the one listening to them. When I first learned about these techniques from Hand in Hand Parenting (www.handinhandparenting.org), I was shocked to see that when one of my daughters emerged from a fit after getting kind attention from me, we both felt so bonded and so much love. Finally, I had figured out how to get through these outbursts. The answer was right in line with Magda's ideas... Wait, be patient, and let your child show you the way through! 


"9. Before you nag, remind, criticize, advise, chime in, or over-explain, say to yourself ‘W.A.I.T’ (Why am I talking?) Listen four times more than you talk." -Wendy Mogel,PhD

This quote was taken from Wendy Mogel's Overparenting Anonyomous: ATwenty Six Step Program for Good Parents Gone Bad. I think Magda Gerber would have liked it, too. Many of us, myself especially, try so very hard to do everything right, but as we struggle to figure out what that is we talk and talk and talk and talk. When we finally get to the point we were trying to make, our children have left the building and there thoughts are on their legos or their homework or how entirely annoying we are. How many ideas have our children forgotten they wanted to share because we wouldn't stop talking? Do our children sometimes avoid talking to us about important issues because we focus so much on fixing their problems that we forget to stop and listen? LISTEN. LISTEN. LISTEN. And when in doubt, listen again. It makes children feel powerful, seen, important, and valuable. This helps build resilience and trust in you. And, of course, this lesson applies to all caregivers and teachers, in my opinion. Feel like you're talking too much? You probably are. :)

Thanks to all!

-Lauren

THANK YOU'S....

Oh my dear, Stephanie! I am so grateful for you! It can be so incredibly lonely doing this program online without all of the protective positive benefits of in-person relationships that we read so much about in this program! But I always know that you are there if I'm confused, frustrated, or just need to know someone else is going through this, too. Thank you for your sense of humor, your intelligent, well-rsearched, and interesting posts, your friendship, and your support. I am terrified that I will lose touch by taking the next eight weeks off, but I am holding the intention that sometime soon, you will take a break, and we will end up on the same track again.
Until then, THANK YOU and please stay in touch!
With loads of gratitude and cheer,
Lauren

Machaela!
I love this part of the course when I get to take a moment to sing your praises and thank you for being such a powerful, kind, and inspiring colleague and friend. When I have a question, am worried about the course, or just need a really well thought and inspirational Discussion post to respond to, you are my lady! I thank you so much from the bottom of my heart and hope that some day we will meet and get to have that drink together! Doing your master's online, as you know, can be very isolating and I receive constant comfort knowing you are out there with me. 
I am taking am taking 8-weeks off to regroup, but really hope that we end up back on the same timetable soon. It won't be the same without you.
With loads of gratitude,
Lauren