Favorite Quotes about Early Childhood & Special Thanks

Encouraging the expression of feelings is healthy. It helps eliminate guilt and promotes honesty. If, by contrast, your child is told, "Don't say that. That's not nice," he won't feel comfortable about expressing himself. Rather, he may feel guilty about his feelings because his parent thinks they're "not nice." Don't manipulate your child's feelings by saying, "Why are you so grumpy? Smile for Mommy." Give him permission to feel the way he does. People go to therapy because they were not allowed to express what they felt as children. Somebody in their past said, "That's not all right." ~ Magda Gerber

I love this quote. It brings together so many principles that I hold dear as a parent, a parenting educator, a postpartum doula, a sleep consultant, and a person. Subtle and not-so-subtle messages of shame are handed to our children every day as parents, caregivers, and teachers try to teach them to stuff their feelings down and act "appropriately." So few of us had parents with the information or tools to allow us to express our feelings as children. As a result, when our children show big emotions, we become uncomfortable and try to shut them down. Then we wonder why our children don't confide in us with their deep secrets and fears when they enter the vulnerable phase of adolescence. It may be hard at first, but when I child gets upset, all we need to do is listen. In my experience, listening allows children to work out deep feelings of fear and anxiety and emerge restored, loving, and connected. This approach allows children to heal themselves, feel powerful and optimistic, build resilience, and build trust in their relationship with the one listening to them. When I first learned about these techniques from Hand in Hand Parenting (www.handinhandparenting.org), I was shocked to see that when one of my daughters emerged from a fit after getting kind attention from me, we both felt so bonded and so much love. Finally, I had figured out how to get through these outbursts. The answer was right in line with Magda's ideas... Wait, be patient, and let your child show you the way through! 


"9. Before you nag, remind, criticize, advise, chime in, or over-explain, say to yourself ‘W.A.I.T’ (Why am I talking?) Listen four times more than you talk." -Wendy Mogel,PhD

This quote was taken from Wendy Mogel's Overparenting Anonyomous: ATwenty Six Step Program for Good Parents Gone Bad. I think Magda Gerber would have liked it, too. Many of us, myself especially, try so very hard to do everything right, but as we struggle to figure out what that is we talk and talk and talk and talk. When we finally get to the point we were trying to make, our children have left the building and there thoughts are on their legos or their homework or how entirely annoying we are. How many ideas have our children forgotten they wanted to share because we wouldn't stop talking? Do our children sometimes avoid talking to us about important issues because we focus so much on fixing their problems that we forget to stop and listen? LISTEN. LISTEN. LISTEN. And when in doubt, listen again. It makes children feel powerful, seen, important, and valuable. This helps build resilience and trust in you. And, of course, this lesson applies to all caregivers and teachers, in my opinion. Feel like you're talking too much? You probably are. :)

Thanks to all!

-Lauren

THANK YOU'S....

Oh my dear, Stephanie! I am so grateful for you! It can be so incredibly lonely doing this program online without all of the protective positive benefits of in-person relationships that we read so much about in this program! But I always know that you are there if I'm confused, frustrated, or just need to know someone else is going through this, too. Thank you for your sense of humor, your intelligent, well-rsearched, and interesting posts, your friendship, and your support. I am terrified that I will lose touch by taking the next eight weeks off, but I am holding the intention that sometime soon, you will take a break, and we will end up on the same track again.
Until then, THANK YOU and please stay in touch!
With loads of gratitude and cheer,
Lauren

Machaela!
I love this part of the course when I get to take a moment to sing your praises and thank you for being such a powerful, kind, and inspiring colleague and friend. When I have a question, am worried about the course, or just need a really well thought and inspirational Discussion post to respond to, you are my lady! I thank you so much from the bottom of my heart and hope that some day we will meet and get to have that drink together! Doing your master's online, as you know, can be very isolating and I receive constant comfort knowing you are out there with me. 
I am taking am taking 8-weeks off to regroup, but really hope that we end up back on the same timetable soon. It won't be the same without you.
With loads of gratitude,
Lauren

Standardized Testing Alternatives and What We Can Learn From Finland

Through my course of study, it has become abundantly clear that one thing that is commonly accepted and acknowledged in current educational theory is that children development in the context of relationships (National Council on the Developing Child, 2004). Relationships protect children (and their development) from the various potentially toxic forms of stress, and children thrive cognitively, socially, physically, and emotionally when they are connected to positive, loving people (Berger, 2012: Hartzell et al, 2011). It also seems quite clear that the educational system, which focuses largely on competition and standardized test scores, is in a state of crisis (Berger, 2012: Smidt, 2013). Perhaps this is because with the United States' cultural emphasis on independence, achievement of personal excellence, and competition, mistakes were made with implementation of programs like merit-based No Child Left Behind that move away from addressing the whole child, including the piece about emphasizing relationships as an essential building block of education (Neil, 2012; Strauss, 2011). Standardized tests seem to measure only how well one certain child is capable of taking a standardized test at one moment in time. Children learn in different ways and these tests do not take this into account. Does that mean we should abandon standardized tests? If so, should we adopt a different form of assessment or is assessment not helpful? What alternatives to standardized testing should we use?

In my exploration and research to answer these questions, I found that Finland's education system was brought up as a place to look for answers to these and many other questions (Neil, 2012; Strauss, 2011, 2012). In Finland, teacher's are very well educated, respected, and trusted. It is difficult to get into teaching programs and all teachers in Finland study rigorously for five years and graduate with nothing less than a Master's degree. The emphasis in education is on equity and making sure that every child and every school is on equal footing. Teachers are not help to a rigorous, specific standard and children are not given standardized tests until they are exiting high school and are tested for college entrance. Teachers are able to adapt the curriculum to each student's interests and needs. Parents are consistently connected to the learning process as well. Finland, as a result, has an extremely well educated population and fifteen year old Finnish students have consistently tested above most all nations in reading, mathematics, and science. It is tempting to say, then, that the U.S. should simply imitate Finland? Well, that may not be entirely true as Finland also has a completely different social welfare system with under 4% of their children living in poverty (compared to the U.S's 22%), a very effective and accessible health care system, and education is viewed as an obvious priority that serves a public purpose (Strauss, 2012). The idea of competition between teachers for merit-based money, for example, seems ludicrous to the Finnish as teachers are supposed to be working together to solve the problems that arise in the classroom. Still, Finland does indicate that, perhaps, if our priorities can change in the United States, standardized tests are unnecessary (Neil, 2011, Strauss, 2012). 

In the meantime, since the United States isn't likely to have the change of heart or the resources reprioritize completely, are there any alternatives to standardized testing that could serve the purpose of assessing children to make sure that they are getting the education that they deserve and that children aren't being left behind? One alternative is that of portfolio based assessment (Peterson et al, 2014). Though there are many different ideas about the exact application of this concept, the basic idea of portfolio assessment is that teachers keep their students work in a portfolio. Students and teachers reflect on the quality and the progression of the work over the term. Some then use a system to measure the quality and progress. Random samplings are also used in some schools to measure the school or class as a whole. The benefit of this system is that it allows children and teachers to reflect on each individual students way of learning and to assess the areas of study that could use some attention and reevaluation of teaching style. It also takes into account students' abilities at different times and in different contexts rather than students' abilities to take a certain test at a certain time (Peterson et al, 2014).

Neill (as quoted by Strauss, 2012), discusses this same idea under a different name, calling it "performance-based assessments". In New York City, the New York Performance Standards Consortium, a grouping of 28 high school, tested this approach of assessing high school students. The student body of the schools reflected the same demographics as the city, itself, though the student bodies, on average, had lower socio-economic status that most NYC public high schools. The schools also used project-based learning. The results were that this type of assessment succeeded in areas where standardized tests tend to fail, and the Consortium students were more likely to graduate and get into college (Strauss, 2014). This suggests to me that both this type of testing, which takes into account more of each individual students abilities over time, was very success. This shifting of testing and teaching style takes into greater account each students interests and needs, as well. I would be willing to bet that part of this success is due to the fact that this type of learning takes into account different students' learning styles and interests, thus helping students to feel heard and connected to their teachers. In other words, by having quality relationships with their teachers through a more adaptable curriculum, students are better able to learn. Again, children learn and thrive in the context of their relationships (NSCDC, 2004).
It seems clear to me that there is reform needed in the US. Finland offers wonderful ideas about some great ways that restructuring our priorities as a culture can affect the learning of our children. I would like to see changes in our educational system that take the emphasis off of standardized testing and merit-based compensation and onto building the quality of teacher's education and compensation, as well as on valuing relationships, equity, and building trust within the school system. Project-based learning and performance based assessment or portfolio based assessments would be a great place to start.

References

Berger, K.S. (2012). The developing person through childhood (Sixth edition). New York, NY: Worth Publishers.

 Hartzell, M. & Siegel, D. (2014). Parenting from the inside out: how a deeper self-understanding can help you raise children who thrive. New York, NY: Penguin.

National Scientific Council on the Developing Child. (2004). Young children develop in an environment of relationships. Working Paper No. 1. Retrieved from http//www.developingchild.net

Neil, M. (2012, November 2). An alternative to standardized testing for student assessment The Washington Post. Retrieved from http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/wp/2012/11/02/an-alternative-to-standardized-testing-for-student-assessment/

Peterson, B. & Neill, M. (2014). Alternatives to standardized testing. Retrieved from http://www.rethinkingschools.org/restrict.asp?path=archive/13_03/assess.shtml.

Smidt, S. (2013). The developing child in the 21st  century: A global perspective on child development (2nd edition). New York: Routledge.

Strauss, V. (2011, October 13). Ravitch: why finland's school are great (by doing what we don't). The Washington Post. Retrieved from http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/post/ravitch-why-finlands-schools-are-great-by-doing-what-we-dont/2011/10/12/gIQAmTyLgL_blog.html

Strauss, V. (2012, April 17). What the u.s. can't learn from finland about education reform. The Washington Post. Retrieved from http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/post/what-the-us-cant-learn-from-finland-about-ed-reform/2012/04/16/gIQAGIvVMT_blog.html.

Consequences of Stress on Children's Development

In this assignment, my colleagues and I were asked to identify a stressor from a long list of stress factors that can impede a child's development and discuss an instance in our lives or the life of someone that we know and how it affected us/them. I have been thinking about this assignment all week, and certainly have a lot of people in my life that I could use as examples, but I, have to admit, I feel uncomfortable telling people's stories on the internet. So many of my loved ones read this blog and I really do fear disrespecting my loved ones by using them as examples.

So, what I have chosen to do is take them all into account and write about what I see in terms of how things have affected my friends' development. I have had friends and acquaintances who have suffered plenty of very severe stress. I think most of us have experienced toxic stress either personally or with those we love. The types of stress that I have seen in the ones I love and hold dear include neglect,  poverty, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and mental abuse. Though it is entirely hard to anecdotally measure the consequences of each of my friends' stresses in childhood and still keep in mind that their own individual temparment and all other variable in check, I can say that the consequences have included the development of multiple personality disorder, drug addiction, risky sexual behavior, tending to get into relationships with unsafe people, alcoholism, eating disorders, and more. On the other end of the spectrum, however, is the reality that most of the people that I knew as a child who experienced intense stress throughout their childhood had a rough patch through their twenties, dealing with depression, lack of motivation, or too much "partying", and then seemed to come out the other side in their thirties becoming active, motivated, successful, and relatively happy people. My friends who experienced intense neglect or phsyical, sexual, or mental abuse by a parent seem to have been the worst off and went some suffered from severe depression and mental illness. Even those friends, however, came out the other side with treatment. Why is this?

Well, I guess I believe that it is largely do to the plasticity of human kind. We can change and adapt to the circumstances we are given. It is also important to point out that I grew up in an upper middle class world (though a great deal of my friends did not) and most of the parents in these dramas were educated, of sound financial means, and white. The kids were also going to schools that offered fairly good support systems. Most of them had at least one strong, loving relationship with someone in their family to protect them from and buffer the abuse of any offender that might have been within thier household. All of them, including those who did not have safe connection at home, had created amazing bonds with their friends, however. Perhaps that is why so many of them were able to turn it around or never be too affected in the first place. Perhaps their own protective optimism stuck around for a while past the school years and allowed them to find kindred spirits who could offer to help them pretect their development through loving them and providing protective relationships with them. Perhaps.

Post Traumatic Stress and Children after Hurricane Katrina

My mother grew up in New Orleans. I visited my great grandmother there as a young child and returend for Mardi Gras annually for a good portion of my childhood. So, when we were asked to pick a region that we have an affinity for and look at the stressors that their children face and how it is dealt with, New Orleans immediately popped into my head. Of course, when one thinks of stressor on families and children, one cannot help but immediately jump to the affects of Hurrican Katrina that wiped out much of Loiuisiana in August, 2005. The hurricane caused massive devastation and children and their families suffered severe loss of their homes, their communities, their possessions, pets, and, for some, their loved ones. They suffered the stress of the terrifying experience of this violent hurrican, and, as if that wasn't enough, the real stress came afterwards when families were left homeless and without vital resources. Many families were forced to relocate 2, 3, 4, even 9 times! Not surprisingly, about half of the children who lived through Hurrican Katrina are thought to have PTSD (Tull, 2012). When I set out to find informationon this topic, I wasn't suprised to find loads of studies of the affects of Hurricane Katrina on kids and the prevalence of PTSD and depression. What I was saddened to find was that it was hard to find information on what type of help these children had and have. I can only assume that is because there wasn't that much- certainly not enough. What I did find was that there were people from Unicef there attempting to provide psychosocial (Snider et al, N.D.). I also found one study that said that the majority of children suffering from PTSD post Katrina saw a reduction in symptoms with treatment through schools and clinics, but it was very vague (Tull, 2012). I was hearteded, however, to find that there are a lot of scientists studying the disaster in order to assess how to better deal with a huge emergency like this and how to create prepackaged psychosocial emergencies plans for natural disasters and the like.

References:

Snider, L, Hoffman, Y, Littrell, M., Fry, W., & Thornburgh, M. (N.D.) Supporting children after  hurricane katrina: reflections on psychosocial principles in practice. Retrieved fromhttp://mhpss.net/wp-content/uploads/group-documents/178/1351478256-KatrinaBookChapter-Snideretal..pdf

Tull, M. (2012). The effect of hurrican katrina on children. Retrieved from http://ptsd.about.com/od/causesanddevelopment/a/Katrinachildren.htm.