Daily Supports

I may be one of the luckiest people in the world. When it comes to support, I have a lot of it... On a daily basis I am supported by my wife, my parents, my sister, my children, my network of colleagues, my friends, my clients, my children's teachers, and the administrative staff at my children's schools. And these are only the primary people that support me! I find support on a daily basis from the folks at the grocery store to the postal service to the folks who run the company from whom I buy the internet service that allows me to get my master's degree online. I am supported by my laptop, my iphone, my car, my mechanic, the kindness of stranger's, the crossing guard at my daughter's school, the lady who makes that amazing chai, the farmer's that grow my food, the folks that grow, process and sell the food that feeds my pets, my pets, themselves, and the list goes on and on... My spiritual practices are a huge part of my support system, as well. My mediation practice has kept me happy and healthy for many years and my meditation teacher supports me in a thousand more ways. She, too, helps me remember who I am and what I am here on this planet to do. And the knowledge of what I am supposed to do is perhaps the biggest support of all. It gives me purpose and connects met to the power of all that is. This is magic. I feel so lucky to feel intimately connected to that magic every day. Because of this magic, I am able to thrive in good times, embrace vulnerability, face fear, and trust that all is and will be as it is meant to be.

My WIFE

My wife and I split the lion's share of the household work on a daily basis. We wake up in the morning, she lets out the chickens and feeds all the animals while I brush my teeth, wash my face, and get dressed. Then she does her daily grooming, while I wake up our girls and help them through their morning routine. Then my wife head's upstairs and makes lunches. I join her when the girls are dressed and start to cook breakfast. Our mornings are full of constant and continuous support. I have done the morning routine without my wife several times and it really means waking up an hour earlier. We lean on each other a lot. This is just the practical support, however. She is also my best friend- the one I come to when I am beside myself in grief and need to be understood and the one that I just love to talk to about my day. She is my sounding board, my confident, and she reminds me that there is still magic in the world. She helps me to see myself more clearly and this allows me to be the parent and person that I want to be most of the time. When I'm not that person, she still hears me and loves me and this helps me forgive myself when I can't seem to keep things going the way I would like to.
My wife and I have date nights every Friday. It is an extravagance that we can't really afford in many ways, but we have learned that we can't afford not to do it. Without that time to regroup, connect, and remember why we adore each other so much, our relationship is reduced to that of being partners in running a household and that doesn't feel good.  When we miss a date night we can feel it for an entire week... Things feel strained, there is more resentment and frustration in the air, and we just seem to be more tired. Day night is a major support for me, my wife, and our relationship, for sure!

My BABYSITTER

Our sitter's name is Ashley. She is absolutely a member of the family. She is one of the few people that we trust our children with and we know that our kiddos love being with her every Friday. She travels with us for next to nothing when we travel, when I fall behind in laundry, I will come home to find that she has washed and folded everything, and she even feeds, bathes, loves, and plays with my kids. The peace of mind that I get from her weekly presence is huge. I am endlessly grateful for her and can't imagine our family without her even though she is only here once a week.

My FAMILY

My parents and my sister are a huge part of our family's support system. They provide emotional support, the bolstering that only family affection, fun, and connection can afford, friendship, and a support system of caring people to care for and over our two girls. In addition, my parents generously help us pay for our children's extracurricular activities and are paying for me to go to school! They are generous and I couldn't do this without them.

What would I do without them?

Wow. It is terrifying to think what I would do without them. I know that the spiritual support that I gain from my own spiritual practice cannot be taken away from me and I would like to believe that if I lost any of the other pieces, I would be able to use the tools that I have in that department to see myself through. Still, I know all too well that when my wife is away and I am home with two kids, work, and graduate work, it is VERY HARD. I don't sleep much. I have to work very hard not to be a grouchy, sour parent. I carry around a ton of guilt as a parent, as well. The stress tends to get the better of me. If this were a prolonged experience I don't know that I would be able to finish graduate school, which would cause me to lose my job potentially. My wife is a huge support to me.

If my family weren't there to support me, I would almost never have emergency childcare. I wouldn't be able to afford for my kids to take swim lessons and go to camps this Summer. My kids wouldn't know the feeling of having a large family circled around you loving you and neither would I. I would have missed a lot of doctor's appointments, dentist appointments, and emergency childcare issues would have always meant leaving work, which would have negatively affected my practice. Again, I am so very grateful.

I know just what it would be like to live without my sitter because I did it for years. It meant my marriage was strained. It made my life feel a lot like running in a hamster wheel- continuous, round-the-clock, constant caring for others can be really tough on anyone. One evening a week to be an individual is life saver. Again, I am so grateful!

Imagining the Challenge of Another Child in the Family...

I often imagine what it would be like if we had another baby in our family. I am nearly forty and so the question of whether or not to become a family of five comes up frequently. It's tough, though. There aren't any practical reasons to have a third child that I can see, only practical reasons not to. The only reason to want to have one is love. So, what would happen if we did have another baby? Who and what would support us?

Well, there are a lot of support systems and support people that are already in place that would continue to support us, for sure. My wife would support me in all the ways that she already does, plus she would likely take on more childcare duties with our two older daughters. My daughters would still me in school and this would support my family by teaching them and enriching their lives on so many levels, providing them with a social outlet, and stability during a time of change. Their schools would also provide us with much needed childcare. My parents, sister, and babysitter would help by providing childcare, cooking meals, and being emotional support, as well. My spiritual practice would be of vital importance and my years of experience working with babies would be a huge support, too. I would also be supported by the knowledge that if I was for some reason suddenly to become unable to provide for my family, I know my parents would do everything to make sure that we landed back on our feet financially and emotionally. It is a great comfort to know that you have family that won't allow you to fall too far. 

We would probably face our biggest challenges with childcare and the need to the baby in childcare at an early age. I was financially able to be home for a good long time with my first two kids or at least to work part time, but that would be unlikely so it's hard to say how we would work things out for childcare. I am very afraid of leaving my little ones with anyone but family, so this would be a huge challenge for me. It would also be a huge challenge to budget our money in order to have enough from our current income to live in the standard to which we have become accustomed. We would likely need to create a new budget to support us.

Luckiest Woman Around...

When it comes down to it, I really can't believe how lucky I am to be supported in the ways that I am. Yes, I could use a day off here and there. Yes, I could use a nice, long all-expenses-paid vacation! But, better than that, I have constant love and support, an incredible family, physical comfort, health, happiness, gorgeous, happy and healthy children, and an incredible marriage! I live in the most beautiful place I can imagine and I am surrounded by incredible wildlife and the ocean. When I get blue, I can jog to the coast and watch the ocean waves crash in, catch a seal or a dolphin playing in the surf, and breath in cold, crisp ocean air. My life is good. I am grateful- so very grateful. I am supported by every aspect of my life and I will try to embrace that and appreciate it every day of my life... Even on days like today when my daughter spills an entire jar of paint on the rug, draws on the furniture, and whines way too much... Because this is the good stuff. This time that I am living in is the meat in the sandwich of my life, if you will! And while that is a clunky metaphor, I say it to myself all the time. As my seven-year-old said to me the other day, "Mommy- don't bother being grumpy. Just have fun.. Because all we have is right now. Later just keeps moving away from us." Smart cookie, that one.